This is a long one....

It was a year ago yesterday that our world as we knew it turned upside down. Doug lost his longtime job at the radio station. It was the first of a number of major knocks that we have had to endure since that day. A mere 9 days later, his mom died unexpectly. A few months later our BIL was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. And in between all these major life altering events, there were the small knocks; my mom's two heart surgeries, unexpected car repairs, and hundreds of "no's" in the job search catagory. I have aged tenfold over the year and in pictures appear tired and worn. Worry does that to a soul.

Before you think this is just going to be another"poor me" whinefest, give me a chance to say that despite all of this, God has been there, day in and day out, providing for us absolutely everything we have needed to continue on. Strength. Wisdom. Patience. Endurance. Peace. Not to mention enough money to continue paying the mortgage, our COBRA benefits, those unexpected car repairs, the daily bills, and groceries, just to name just a few. We have not put anything on credit cards, nor tapped a line of credit. When things might have appeared especially grim, a gift card for groceries would miraculously appear in the mail from an annonymous donor. When spring flowers for the deck seemed to be on the chopping block (due to money), God worked through his earthly angels to fill our deck to overflowing. Those flowers were God's promise and reminder to me that everything would be ok. I can't tell you how many other seemingly miraculous things have occured over this past year....the unexpected tax rebate last spring.....the very unexpected, large 2007 tax return we recieved even though over the last 20 years we have not gotten money back (we usually break even). All these little things occured soley at the hand of God to give us strength and the motivation to continue on in faith. Each of these blessings were meant to remind us that He is present, will comfort us in our pain and will provide for our every need, pushing the feeling of hopelessness away. Every one of them was a gift from God meant to encourage us, strengthen us and give us HOPE. He has been right by our side every minute. If I thought for a few days that He wasn't right beside me, it was because I stepped away, not because He did.

I learned in BSF yesterday that sometimes we have to look hard to see God's blessings. But his blessings for us have been readily apparent this year. Once I sat down and took the time to realize each one, I see that his blessings for us are overflowing. I have to thank God for each and every blessing, regardless if it's the "one" I really want...a job for my husband. His plan is in action. No amount of worry or fear will change what He has for us. But we all can be confident that He loves us, and has plans to prosper us and not harm us. He is by our side constantly.

The question we were left with yesterday at BSF was this..."Will I let this challenge pull me away from God or draw me nearer....?" This week, I am going to seriously ponder this question. Regardless of the ups and downs of this year, I feel that I have drawn nearer to God. Actually, I refuse to walk away. I've thought about it. But really, there is no other path for me other than one that includes a relationship with God. He is challenging my faith and I am determined to let him work through me so that my story and experience can help others who are lost or who are experiencing their own troubles today.

Yep, it's been a very difficult year. And I cannot wait for God to deliver us through it. But in the meantime, I have to relinquish control so I am not subject to fear. His plan is in action, and I have to wait to see how God will use me through this experience. If you are having troubles, hang in there. He loves you too.

Hugs,
Amy